Thursday, 28 March 2013

KASHMIR!


Kashmir (formerly land of cannibals) is a dreaded ravine valley (like Chambal, famous for bandits) bordering India and Pakistan. It was named Kashmir after the famous song of Led Zeppelin (don’t believe me, I Googled it, see the results), shortly after death of drummer John Bonham. Though throughout the song (wasting some 8 and half minutes) they talk only about deserts, some pea brained got the idea of taking the name. Although controversial in rest of the world, the name change was popular among its residents (better than land of cannibals), with one resident exclaiming,” our territory may be disputed, but our love for this song is undisputable.

Demographics
 The population of Kashmir is 100 million, 99 million of which are Indian soldiers. Kashmir is divided into two part one is “ aabad” Kashmir and other is “barbaad” Kashmir ( though both parts think they are “barbaad” Kashmir, the only way to distinguish between them is that in “aabad” Kashmir a Jat (half bull-half man, speaking Punjabi) is known as Pakistani and in “barbaad” Kashmir is known as Hindustani.

Politics  
Kashmir is in a precarious political situation since time immemorial. Things worsened in 1947 when Jinnah lost Texas Hold’em to Nehru and with it went Kashmir. Since then it is a subject of a long tug of war between India and Pakistan, later in 1990 everything went boom boom.Pakistan ( Pacistan) played “Pac-man” and India thought it was “Unreal Tournament- rampage unleashed”. For Indian soldiers killings became a favourite pastime, kill for fun. A million murders, ten thousands disappeared the list goes on. According to recruitment policy, bandits have taken the job of leaders and every street is infested with them. They come in all sizes and shapes, and are available in stock. Large political history has been dominated by Abdullah and his packet of three musketeers (Sheikh, Farooq and now Omar, we are not expecting more)

Economy
The economy is booming, you just have to turn the graph upside down, this makes up. 

Social Life
Life in Kashmir is adventurous (even in homes) saving yourself from the flying bullets can be adventurous and fun being in jail where the Indian security forces tickle you with their specially designed bamboo sticks or tell you such jokes that you die laughing (that’s the reason they say when somebody dies in prison). The favourite pastime of people is stone pelting and gossip mongering. Recently every other guy you see on the street has attached mobile phone to his ear (something called plastic surgery) because it’s too cumbersome to carry it in the pocket.

Modes of transports
Roads exist in between the potholes, the driver do everything except driving while sitting on the drivers seat. Auto-rickshaws (called autos here) are another great way of having loads of health enriching oxygen inhaling (good for health) and each auto driver swears that he is from Ghalibs lineage and most of them are named “Dilbar Raja”. They provide a great deal of inspirational poetry usually written of backs of the autos (details later)

Places of Interest
Bathroom, I mean take a loo break it must be 10 minutes since you are reading this. Places of interest include bunkers (homes on streets) and houseboats (homes on water). Other places of interest include Papa 2 (daddy of Indian democracy) and Papa 1 (another daddy of Indian democracy)

Sports
Kashmiris are very keen in sports. Abusing and swearing are two sports which we are good at. Recently stone pelting has notched up a few places. Kashmiris are cricket lovers and puts all his money on teams playing against India (even if it is minnows Kenya). Another sports gaining popularity is bus hanging (something like mechanical rodeo?)

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